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  • Writer's pictureMelanie Barrett

Feeling is Healing


Emotions are not a problem, what feels uncomfortable is our contracted resistance to them. It is the identity structure that ‘does’ the resisting, or rather ‘is’ the resistance. The identity structure is trying to protect us from feeling ‘unwanted’ feelings. It determines that emotions say something about what/who we are, that they somehow define our worth.


We have learned through experience (conditioning) that certain feelings and emotions are unacceptable, For example maybe when we were little we were shamed for feeling sexual energy or jealousy or anger or we watched a parent being shamed for certain emotions. Those feelings or emotions then became unwanted or bad emotions.The identity then stifles any emotion that has been deemed unacceptable; it is its job. Whatever is stifled will eventually burst out, sometimes in inappropriate ways. It is just trapped energy releasing itself, like a burst pipe. No arising emotion says anything about your worth.

The identity (what we believe ourselves to be) will do anything it can NOT to acknowledge unwanted emotions, God forbid actually welcome and feel them (doesn’t mean they need to be acted out). It will continually blame, shame, guilt trip and make up stories and dramas about self and others,to avoid feeling what it feels. Instead of just acknowledging that jealousy is arising I might scream like a crazy person, my identity may blame you or myself or maybe both and maybe not speak to you for a week…”IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!” or "I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON."

So much easier to feel the feeling in the moment, but this takes awareness and practice eg “There’s jealousy here right now”…or “ I feel left out right now” etc…”I don’t feel like talking to you right now…I don’t really know why…but I’m sure it will pass”. Honest, open communication of how you are feeling is so much easier than complicated, covert manipulation and self righteous point scoring.

Feeling the feeling in its rawest form allows for integration, digestion and metabolisation. This is self empowerment. No longer needing life to appear in a specific way so as not to trigger you.

Our identity structure has been created as a kind of diversion framework that frantically works hard to avoid ‘unwanted’ emotions; to avoid feeling them. We are continually at war with ourselves…our naturally arising feelings. “This feeling is ok, this feeling is not ok”.

If we harbour and stifle emotions of unworthiness we’ll maybe try to behave in ways that make us appear worthy. If we harbour and stifle emotions of hatred, we may try to continually behave in ways to appear loving, kind or giving. The identity is a seeming conglomeration of attributes whose movements are designed by the subconscious to nullify or avoid feeling so called unacceptable emotions; to minimise potential threat of feeling. Be that humiliation, rejection or ‘ousting’ by the group. The identity structure in a sense is our coping mechanism for the crazy, unpredictable, uncontrollable, unknowable, chaos that life is.

The identity structure tries to contain, know and therefore protect the human from life!

The human IS life! With ALL of its emotional colours of the rainbow.

It is hard work trying to maintain a perfect identity structure to avoid feeling so called negative emotions. The curious thing is that when we welcome whatever emotion we are trying to avoid by keeping ourselves busy ‘seeking’ to have or be ‘enough’ or maintain safety, the body naturally digests and metabolises the emotion within our psyche. This leads to relaxation in the system. An inner safety that is not contingent upon the appearances of life. An inherent okness.

Be still and simply feel all that is here to be felt. It’s really not that bad. The body can reintegrate, metabolise and digest any emotion. Until you allow emotions to be felt life will re present time and time again scenarios to seemingly bring rejected emotions to the surface.

When the body feels safe enough to simply feel everything then you are truly living!

Raw…unfiltered….Aliveness…here and now…. is all that is ever wanted.

Feeling is healing.

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