
As human infants it is essential to our survival to attach to our caregivers. We die if we aren’t fed and protected from the elements. In most cases we’ve been disciplined and trained out of our natural expressions (our authenticity) in favour of not causing trouble or rocking any boats, it is again essential to our survival as infants to be ‘liked’ and accepted by the group we are born in to. We are biologically wired to ‘attach’.
This ‘fitting in’ generally continues on as we grow, so belonging to the group, our peers, society, takes precedence over presenting our most natural, authentic selves. It is ingrained in our psyche that it is more important to ‘belong’ than to be ourselves. “What would happen if I’m rejected?“ “They might not call me anymore if I say ‘no’”. “They’ll get upset with me and I’ll have nobody.” “If I say how I really feel things will just get weird.” At the subconscious level we fear that we won’t survive, but obviously this is not true.
Of course we need connection with family, friends and community, but connection to our authentic selves is essential first. Then as we create relationships with others they are built on a genuine foundation of truth.
How many times do we say ‘yes’ to others but ‘no’ to our own needs, so as not to upset or offend? “How many times do we let ourselves be the brunt of jokes because we want to appear as ‘easy going’, when inside we are upset?”
Repeatedly suppressing our “No” and having our boundaries crossed in order to be liked and accepted has significant negative effects on our nervous system and the overall functioning of our mind/body system. Our nervous system no longer trusts us to protect it and stand for it.
There are copious scientific studies available outlining the direct correlation between the stress of suppressing our authentic expression and the suppression of our immune system causing autoimmune dysfunction.
It is widely known that many diseases can be linked back to our mental, emotional and physical states. Many believe that depression is caused by sustained suppression of our authentic emotions, specifically anger. Anger is a healthy emotion; it informs us that our boundaries are being violated or that we are being prevented from having something we genuinely want eg respect or love. It becomes unhealthy and explosive when its expression has been stifled.
Saying ‘YES’ to your own needs sometimes means a ‘NO’ to someone elses needs, but without true authenticity and love for yourself first, you'll never share deep authentic love with another.
Love is authentic expression and communication.
By being truly authentic moment to moment, by sensing in to your body and tuning in to how you REALLY feel (beyond thought), you subconsciously give others permission to be the truest version of themselves too. A genuine person in their own strength and power will feel relaxed and open around your truthful expression.
Be brave...Be YOU!
Anyone who rejects your most authentic self doesn't love you for you, they love you for how you serve their needs.
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