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  • Writer's pictureMelanie Barrett

The most important relationship is with yourself


All we have is this amazing moment. To call it ‘this moment’ is a stretch because it infers a real, solid timeline of past and future. We only ever experience right here, right now. Past and future only exist as stories in our amazing minds.

Here, now, there are no dramas. Challenges yes, but drama is what mind creates. Life happens, and the body responds naturally to the moment, just like a child. The drama and suffering arises as we try to uphold an identity. We have learned that certain emotions and behaviours are not acceptable so we’ve subconsciously created an identity. We want to be seen by others (the world) in a specific light eg calm, peaceful, compassionate, beautiful, intelligent, level headed, powerful etc…whatever the love currency was growing up I.e whatever got us love, safety or attention, whatever got us recognised or respected. The identity obviously includes some traits and excludes others.

It takes copious amounts of energy to uphold an identity structure. The human twists itself up in knots to be seen in a certain light and it’s so unconscious. It isn’t wrong, it is a coping mechanism that was necessary when we were young and vulnerable and learning how we ‘should’ be in the world to be loved.

To be seen as or even to feel angry, afraid, needy, confused, greedy, unattractive, selfish, jealous, vulnerable, shy or brash etc…could feel like a fate worse than death to the ego. To feel any emotion that you’ve been conditioned to believe is wrong, bad or ‘less than’ is difficult. But emotions are not personal.

The human will blame, shame and guilt trip itself or others incessantly rather than just be open and vulnerable to just feeling the natural emotions of the body. Emotions are not wrong, they are not you. They are just natural, spontaneous occurrences, like weather patterns. They pass through the body quickly if they are not avoided, shamed and suppressed.

The curious thing is that when the human is completely honest (at least with itself) to how it really feels in the body, in every moment, so much suffering and game playing ends.

The natural feelings of the body are never wrong and just to acknowledge to oneself how the body actually feels is so liberating. The body can handle every emotion.

No feeling is ever wrong. It’s just a feeling and it doesn’t always need acting on, just awareness and acknowledgement.

The most important relationship you can have is with yourself.

When you are no longer afraid of feeling any emotion...when all emotions are most welcome... you are free!




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