In a world that often praises conformity to not 'go against the grain', expressing your true self (heart) can feel so daunting, impossible maybe. Especially with this extreme cancel culture we are currently experiencing. For many individuals expressing authenticity and true feelings involves facing fears, societal/ familial pressures, and inherited beliefs - your EGO. My blog today explores the challenges faced with revealing your truth and why it is the only way to genuine fulfilment & healing for all.
"Truth will set you free!"...even though it's terrifying!!. We may think that we are happily bumbling along with our little projects, a few glasses of wine every night or myriad social media distractions to distract and keep us busy, from our Truth...but Truth NEVER goes away...it remains...seething...bubbling away in the shadows...beneath the surface...informing the entire structure of our individual existence! All those things that you are avoiding dealing with, all those things that you want to say but are afraid to. All those people you continue to waste time and energy on and you don't even enjoy their company!
Understanding the Weight of Truth
Truth is personal and unique shaped by an unknowable force, and our karma i.e our experiences, culture, individual values and beliefs is what seems to keep us from being and expressing ALWAYS in Truth. Truth is a higher vibration than love and takes more courage to action. When it comes to sharing our authenticity with others, many hesitate, many aren't even attuned to it as they have become completely enveloped in their identity (how they 'want' or 'need' to be seen). Most people avoid like the plague conversations about their true perspectives, how they view a current topic of conversation, due to the fear of judgment, misunderstanding or 'putting the cat among the pigeons', or just being plain wrong. Yes some blast out dogmatic opinionated views, sucking in all the air space in a room but I'm not talking about these people. Incidentally the loud, oppressive ones are only fake identities to hide fear too!. All fake identity is rooted in fear, even the spiritual ones! Some spiritual identities like to act as if they have no opinion or bias; more inauthentic BS. If you are in a body you have a unique, authentic view of the world moment to moment which serves the whole. It is the spice and interest of life. You also have an egoic facade; your coping mechanism, your agenda. This serves you as an individual. It says "See me in a particular way, I am a particular person", it fears harm, including harm of reputation. It may want to be seen as intelligent, strong, powerful, kind, liberated, successful, helpless, caring...the list goes on.
Authenticity has no aim or agenda. It doesn't need to present a preferred image. It is just spontaneous, natural expression. It is not polished with an agenda in mind. Authenticity doesn't need to be see it in a particular light.
The societal push to conform to be accepted often overshadows genuine authenticity. It is understandable why, we are group animals and of course at the biological level we don't want to be rejected from the group. Many feel that voicing their unique perspective may result in feeling isolated or misunderstood or at the deepest subconscious level being abandoned. Some even isolate themselves to avoid abandonment - go figure!, how complex we humans are!! This internal struggle can create barriers that are tough to overcome, sometimes leading individuals to hide their true selves for a life time. Only by expressing our perspectives authentically do we get to evolve in our understanding and become more integrated as we thrash out honestly our ideas and have them reflected back, honestly. If you are being a knob someone who feels safe enough and loves you enough will let you know so that you can introspect, reflect and possibly adjust accordingly. It takes courage to tell a friend or loved one that in your eyes they are being a knob or are in delusion, but if it is your Truth it is the kindest thing you can do for them. Conversely you need to be open enough to hear others reflections of you, it works both ways. This is the only way that we ALL evolve together. TRUTHFUL expression. We cannot possibly see our own blindspots - that is why they are called blind spots! God reflected back to us through others eyes.
How else do we evolve as individuals, a family unit or wider society, if we don't reflect, learn and grow through our honest expressions and reflections with each other. But in order to do this the family container must feel safe enough. An evolved humanity obviously begins with an evolved family unit. Our family is obviously a micro version of society. What is society other than a group of families!
The Fear of Vulnerability
Sharing our truth honestly requires vulnerability, a space where most feel uncomfortable. Opening up about personal experiences and beliefs can feel so risky. For example, imagine someone wanting to talk about their mental health or their fears but fearing others will see them as weak or broken. This internal conflict often violently suppresses their authentic voice.
Yet, vulnerability has its rewards. Research indicates that sharing personal stories and truthful views leads to increased empathy and trust among listeners and lightens the load of the one who expresses authentically, even though we may fear losing our footing. By embracing vulnerability, individuals can build meaningful relationships and find support in unexpected places. I'm not talking about spewing your victim story on to anyone in earshot, that's easy if you are in victim consciousness, or listening 'compassionately', repetitively, to everyones victim story as though you are somehow helping them. You're not! I'm talking about addressing and expressing what is most difficult to express, maybe truths within you that you've never even dared to attempt to share and express, this is your key to 'genuine' liberation. Bringing all that is safely under lock and key in the shadows of your psyche in to the light of conscious awareness. And if you are reading this as though it applies to everyone else and not you, think again! Authentic Being is a life long learning curve, for everyone.
Yes we can maybe foster the courage to jump out of a plane or do a bungee jump, but can we express our authentic Truth out loud, say what's REALLY on our minds and in our hearts, with our family members, with friends, with work colleagues and bosses, with as much precision and clarity as we can muster moment to moment, this is true selfless courage! and this is the courage it will take if we are to have any positive effect on this world, individual by individual, family by family, society by society. It is not about expressing your boundaries and views perfectly, it is just doing the best you can with the communication skills that you have. Expressing yourself honestly is the aim and with practice you will naturally become more articulate and a natural confidence to do so will build. This natural confidence then carries to the wider sphere.
To live from the heart takes huge courage...but as you do so more and more you will step in to the unwavering strength of God. God speaks to you ONLY through the heart....and his/ your Truth is not always easy and peachy :).
The Burden of Expectations
Once you begin to share/ live your authentic truth, external expectations can weigh heavily. Friends, family, society and YOU, have preconceived notions based on your past behaviours or their expectations of you, of how they would like you to be in order to maintain their and your delusion. A Harvard study found that 75% of individuals feel pressured to conform to others' expectations at some point in their lives. I would take that a step further and say at most points of our lives, until we become consciously aware. The pressure to conform a specific way can be so subconsciously ingrained that we may not even know we are doing it eg maybe we subconsciously put pressure on ourselves to appear as kind, as caring, loving, confident, sociable, or understanding etc... when maybe in that moment our authentic expression would be to admit that we've had jack of the whole family! Maybe we've felt pressure to appear that we are 'put together' and in control of our station etc...when maybe our authentic voice is "Oh my God I'm so afraid, lonely and I really feel lost right now."
"Truth will set you free".......it might be messy...but it will set you and everyone involved free.
This pressure of inauthenticity vs authenticity (heart vs mind) builds and creates an internal tension between being true to yourself and fitting into expected roles and maybe not wanting to upset others. Finding a balance is essential. Setting clear boundaries while expressing your authentic feelings can help maintain your integrity in the face of external pressures. It is so scary to express ourselves authentically when the fear of rejection or getting life wrong, or being unsupported by those we love is so strong, when the fear of not appearing 'nice', 'kind', agreeable or strong is so strong. But Truth will set you, your family and the world free! Not the grandiose displays...not doing the 'right' thing as you see it. TRUTH!...Authenticity, heart, being real and true is what our lives and world need, not fake compassion.
All God wants is your Truth, your heart.
Being true to yourself gives others permission to be the same. From a place of Truth we learn and grow and become more whole and healed together. Evolution and union really isn't about random acts of kindness, it's about authenticity and a refusal to no longer live a lie.
Honesty can be terrifying at times but the alternative is bleak! Yes you'll fumble your way blindly...so what...at least you'll be real!
The Impact of Past Experiences
All humans carry past experiences/ wounds that influence their willingness to share their truth. Negative feedback or trauma can leave deep scars when we are children. For instance, someone who faced bullying or ridicule by family or peers for their unique interests during school (probably most of us :)) may develop an ingrained reluctance to express their unique interests later in life. If you spoke out as a child but were maybe shouted down or completely unseen in your Truth then of course Truth and authenticity may feel impossibly terrifying......It's ok to feel afraid...it's ok to tremble as you speak and feel like an incoherent mess...but this is what builds unwavering strength.
Recognising that these past experiences are not relevant now is crucial for integrating old wounds & habitual ways of behaving. This clears the path of life force energy so that you can muster the courage to speak and display your truth without hiding behind pitiful excuses and false identities to avoid confronting what needs to be confronted, painful as that may be.
The spiritual identity is where a lot of shadow hangs out!. So many of us are afraid of not appearing to others as kind, wise or caring, so we suppress our Truth in favour of fake identities to stay 'safe'. The delusion of being spiritually superior is one of the hardest delusions to penetrate through. Engaging in practices like therapy or journaling can help individuals process their fears and work towards sharing their Truth openly. Yes it's scary and oftentimes messy..SO WHAT!! What's worse, living a lie that your whole family dynamic and friendships and society suffers?. Everyone smells inauthenticity....and it ain't nice!
If you are not living Truth people will not be able to feel you or genuinely connect with you from the heart i.e be themselves with you.
Remaining open to exploring conflicting perspectives within family and friend groups (even if they are triggering) invites so much growth and understanding and definitely fosters evolution and collaboration within groups. By showing each other our blind spots we can then combine each others strengths. This journey of self-discovery, which we can really only deepen when we are open to honest reflection and feedback from others, helps individuals gain greater clarity and redefine their perspectives and aids towards an even deeper authentic expression. The journey of authenticity is a journey home to God.
The Role of Support Systems
A supportive network can be vital when opening to your truth. Discussing sensitive topics can be so daunting, but a circle of compassionate friends or family or even just a therapist to talk to can create a safe space to express thoughts and beliefs openly. To meet ourselves in Truth first, to encounter the ugliness that we'd rather not (we ALL have it :)), to then share it with another takes so much courage. Ugliness and darkness cannot be integrated back in to light without first admitting it :).
A wise person once said to me don't trust the ones who act sweetness and light the whole time, they harbour the most shadow!!....they are the ones too terrified to meet their shadow, so inadvertently project it on to others. If your shadow is not integrated you are not a trust worthy human because you are not in 'integrity'. Your thoughts, words and actions are not in alignment. If you don't trust yourself to meet your own shadow...how can you trust others or be trusted?!...
Communicating openly with as much understanding as possible fosters trust, allowing individuals to face their fears, together. Being part of a progressive community, sharing fears and insecurities can also alleviate feelings of isolation and provide encouragement on this journey towards being authentic i.e being yourself, not a suppressed, idealised version.
We are all in this together...we are all afraid at times...we are all lonely at times...we all don't know WTF is going on most of the time and are afraid we've got it all wrong...that is what being a human is :)...with honesty and authenticity we can do the journey and grow together.
Embracing Growth Through Expression
Despite the challenges, living your authentic truth is the only way to real, personal growth and liberation or freedom to BE YOU...NATURALLY..... Many discover new facets of themselves as they begin to speak up. This newfound 'natural' confidence results organically in improved self-esteem, deeper more fulfilling and 'real' relationships, and a more profound sense of belonging. As previously mentioned as we feel safer to express ourselves honestly, that change naturally expands out and over time transforms the family and communities we live in.
It's not rocket science, it's common sense, if you bury your grievances and resentments they don't go anywhere, you can love bomb them and fairy sprinkle them all you like :)...but they ain't going anywhere...they have eternity :)....they hang around in your psyche and effect every facet of your life. Like a ticking time bomb of Truth, waiting to go off. They make you busy yourself with projects. "Must keep busy...must keep busy." continuously running from Truth....Just STOP and be with it. God wants EVERY hidden part of you...the good...the bad...AND the downright ugly :)....
Over time, the journey of opening up to one's truth reveals a richer, more fulfilling, integrated life. It Authenticity is a path toward deeper self-awareness, understanding and a natural confidence....to just be YOU!
The Liberation of Truth
Ultimately, sharing your truth can be an incredibly freeing experience. While the process may feel insurmountable and terrifying at times, because you don't have a road map, each step taken toward authenticity enriches not only your life but also the lives of those around you. Your family and friends and wider community also benefit from your courage to be true in the face of fear.
This individual journey towards truthful expression naturally then promotes a family, a society and a culture that values honesty, celebrates authenticity, and views vulnerability as strength. The risks tied to sharing your truth are often outweighed by the profound, true and 'real' connections and understanding that emerge through genuine expression.
I'd rather have one friend who is 'real' than a thousand inauthentic acquaintances. It doesn't feel rich, wholesome and uplifting to be around a human who is not integrated...in 'integrity'. Our nervous systems feel lies..effortlessly and the more sensitive it is...the more it feels :). I'd rather have a conversation with a thief or a narcissistic abuser who is real and true and admits their darkside than a self proclaimed saint who 'says' and does all the 'right' things and LOOKS the part. It's probably why I love my work as a therapist; when people come to me and share with me they are REAL. But I will always say only come to me if you want truth.
"Be 'real' or go home!"...that's my version of "Go hard or go home" ha ha ha!!
Reflecting on Your Journey towards Authenticity
Opening up to and expressing your truth is a complex journey filled with challenges. It's hard!!! Whether grappling with fear, past experiences, perceived familial or societal expectations, the obstacles can feel soooo overwhelming. However, the rewards of embracing authenticity far exceed the short-term discomfort of vulnerability. EVERYONE benefits.
We are ALL limited in our perceptual realities as individual humans but raw honesty and openness with each other shows each other our blindspots. Our children are AMAZING mirrors for us. How else do we grow? But again it starts with our family containers, ourselves, our children and partners must feel safe enough to voice their authentic expression, our egos must be in check when receiving feedback if we are to evolve as a species together.
We must be brave enough to reflect our opinions to each other honestly. And we must be humble enough to receive and reflect honestly whatever feedback life gives us (through family and friends). Don't just go hunting for circles who will accept your delusions. That ain't love.
The alternative to living in Truth is bleak, we live fake lives in order to keep the peace, this is an existence that is deeply unfulfilling....and even if we think we get away with harbouring resentment, hatred, injustice, bitterness in the shadows...our children don't!...I feel that they are a mirror, that their health and wellbeing is possibly a direct reflection of how authentic or inauthentic, integrated or unintegrated, both parents are!
I don't share to blame or shame, I share to illuminate. Blame, shame and guilt must become irrelevant if we are to evolve as a species. If one is guilty, ALL are guilty. Each human is a product of our societies and each society is a product of each individual.
We seem to have this weird cancel culture happening whereby If you say the wrong thing you are cancelled. Let's not do that in our families. Let's really listen to each others reflections openly. Take it in...reflect...is there some Truth maybe...can I put my ego aside and be humble enough to wait a moment to let the words penetrate past and beyond my 'protective' identity structure?....even if it hurts like fuck....even if I would then have to admit things that it would feel like death to admit...that maybe I've 'failed' in certain areas....maybe I'm not as 'nice' as I wanted or needed to be...
This is the only place TRUE healing and integration happens.
Change starts within the family unit. If we cannot be honest, brave and open within our family, to say the things we are afraid to say how can our wider societies have a chance to thrive??!!
It must be said that our Truth isn't necessarily 'right' or 'true' for another or what they want to hear but it is our heart speaking. Our heart is God. Whatever we express in Truth is ALWAYS for the best for all...eventually :).
By acknowledging these hurdles and seeking support, individuals can embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery. In a world that often stifles individual authentic expression and opinions, finding the courage to speak your truth and respect others' not only benefits you but also benefits your family and society as a whole. After all what is a society but a group of families!. Embrace your journey toward authenticity; although the path may be unclear, the destination is one of deep fulfillment and connection.
There is nothing in my opinion more beautiful than a family container where each member feels safe enough to express themselves authentically and where each member respects the authentic expression of each member. An authentic family will be a safe mirror; reflecting honestly and more importantly CRITICALLY to each others' expressions so that each member can grow and evolve in love.
Really listen to your children with regards to how they see you...they have much wisdom to share if we are available.
Again how else do we grow unless our blind points are pointed out by those we feel safe with and trust implicitly. To break each others trust is the most devastating thing we can ever do to each other.
Be honest, BE BRAVE! - admit with humility where you have caused harm and been caused harm and strive to be authentic moment to moment. We must forget our lofty spiritual egoic goals of saving humanity!. We must start cleaning up the mess of inauthenticity within our own family first!
Humanity will then take care of itself!
I'd love to read your authentic comments :) What maybe the words trigger in you, what you maybe align with or don't?
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