Our beliefs in the identity that we think we need to maintain drags us out of the unconditioned peace and freedom that is always here, in to the suffering of contraction, solidity, restriction and confinement.
We are unconditioned freedom itself; the child like innocence, but by trying to maintain an identity of who we ‘believe’ we need to be, we can suffer.
Our identity structures have been meticulously crafted subconsciously by the brain in childhood to keep us feeling loved, safe and protected, they are not an issue until we outgrow some or all aspects of them. They protect us early on but they can become like restrictive, psychological prisons later. As an adult you really don't need others to protect you, love you, to validate you. You are that source of love, safety and validation you so desperately yearn. As a child you needed safety and love from others, you needed to conform to get it. You no longer need to bend and contort your authentic expression as an adult.
By cultivating an awareness of the subconscious motivations of everything you think, say and do you can begin to understand your inner dynamics; you can begin to understand the driving force behind the energy contracting and depleting psychological patterns that are running in your psyche.
Whatever idea you are believing in every moment either contracts or expands your consciousness/ body/ energy field. You are either perceiving from fear and limitation or love and infinite potential.
With awareness of the psychological program that is running your life you can begin to consciously disengage from it and come home in to the body where freedom, contentment, authenticity, infinite potential; a higher level of intelligence resides.
Awareness of our energy depleting patterns enables us to begin to make more conscious decisions as to how we want to spend our time and energy. “If we can see it (our unconscious patterns) we don’t have to be it”.
We always need to have so much love and compassion for ourselves when we are beginning to become more consciously aware of our psychological patterns. Our genetics and conditioning have created them.
It is not enough just to identify them we also need tools to make a conscious choice as to whether to continue in the same way. If you like you can email me about the STOP PROCESS or make an appointment to see me & I’ll teach you.
Energy depleting psychologies (ways of being) have their roots in 2 core lack beliefs (We all have them :)). -
I am loved for what ‘I do’, ‘how’ I AM and not ‘AS I AM’ (naturally). - Self esteem issues.
The world is (I am) only safe when ‘I’ get things right, am in control/worry - safety issues.
To be self aware, to know thyself, is fundamental for growth, change and expansion beyond limitation. There’s nothing personal in this, we are all a product of our genetics and conditioning.
The following are the main energy depleting psychological patterns, the average human usually has bits and pieces of all of them. I certainly do :). There’s nothing wrong with any of them per se, if they are working for you go for it!. If you are depleted, anxious or depressed and want change maybe its time to become consciously aware of what is driving your motivations.
HELPER PATTERN
We define our self-worth and meet our
emotional needs by what we do for others & they’d better appreciate it!! :).
•
We can often lose contact with what we really
want, instead we are drawn towards others
goals and outcomes.
•
Others’ needs seem more important than
our own.
•
We are a great “number 2” but struggle to
know our own voice
•
We give to others what we deep down hope
they/life will give to us. (Only you can fill your own cup).
We often don’t even know what we want for ourselves when asked
Which of these statements are true for you?
I tend to spend most of my time involved with helping other people
I tend to put other people’s needs above my own
I feel out of touch with my own needs
I feel like I must please others or win them over all the time
I tend to have people become dependent upon me
I mainly get a sense of self-worth by helping other people
I often feel unappreciated & that my love & giving to others is not reciprocated at the same level that I love & give.
I find it difficult/impossible to ask for what I need/want.
ACHIEVER PATTERN
We define our self-worth, and earn the
Love/validation of others, by what we do and achieve
in the world
•
We often drive ourselves beyond our own
limits in the pursuit of the goals we have set
•
We treat our body like a machine
•
We lose touch with our emotional world, how we really feel
because we are too consumed by what we are
trying to achieve in the outside world (driven)
Which statements are true for you?
I have high expectations of myself and those around me
I am highly motivated to achieve the goals I have set in my life, nothing gets in the way
I mainly get a sense of self-worth through my external achievements
I tend to be driven to obtain status and attention
Being seen or seeing myself as a failure is one of my greatest fears
Coming across as having my “shit together” is essential to me
PERFECTIONIST PATTERN
Our self-worth, and safety in the world, is
tied to doing things the ‘right’ way
There is a ‘perfect’ way to be or do, ‘I’ need to achieve that to feel loved, safe, enough
•
Doing and getting things right, appearing as perfect is a measure of us as
a person
•
If a job is worth doing, do it right - do it perfectly or not at all
•
If we make a mistake, we feel unsafe
and in danger, we don’t understand that mistakes are an inevitable part of the growing process. Getting it wrong is scary territory.
Which statements are true for you?
I tend to have high standards for myself and others
I feel like I’m always trying to get it right, to perfect things
I can feel like a bad person if I do not get things right or perfect, if I don’t say (do) just the right thing
I mainly get my sense of self-worth through perceiving that I’ve done/said the right thing, that I’ve played my part perfectly
ANXIETY PATTERN
The world feels like an inherently unsafe and
dangerous place, and the way to stay safe is to
stay in our minds/ continuously over analysing situations
•
We tend to have a lot of mental activity, which
at the extreme can lead to feelings of
depersonalization
•
We live in our heads, not in our body
•
We try to think/analyse our way to a feeling of safety
How many of these statements are true for you?
I have experienced high levels of anxiety/ feeling unsafe from a young age
I have a high perceived sense of danger, I can feel afraid for no apparent reason
I don’t feel I was given a sense of safety as a child
I may appear to do daring feats and appear fearless on the
outside, but this is an attempt to overcome inner fear and anxiety
I feel I cannot trust my own inner guidance, opinions and views, I’m always second guessing myself
I am attracted to authority, but distrustful of it at the same time, I’m afraid of being controlled and manipulated
CONTROLLER PATTERN
We need to feel in control of our world
and the world around us (& everyone in it!) to ensure that we
are safe
•
We tend to often find ourselves taking on
too much because we believe it’s the only way to have control (do it myself or it won’t be done to my exacting standards)•
We fear being seen as sensitive
and/or vulnerable
We project an image of being in control of our station
How many of these statements are true for you?
If people saw my sensitivity and vulnerabilities, they may take advantage of them or judge me as weak
If I want a job done properly, I need to do it myself
The world feels scary when I’m not in control
I’m a natural leader, and in times of crises people look to me
You have to be careful who you share your weaknesses and vulnerabilities with, can't show your true feelings, must appear as 'in complete control'
If you feel to, just gently and in an unconditionally loving way, begin to contemplate your motivations throughout the day, why are you doing that extra thing when your body is exhausted?…why are you so offended if somebody doesn’t respond to your gestures as you’d like?….why can you not ask for help if you need it?…why can’t you say no when you want to, what are you afraid of? etc…etc…
Above all be kind, loving and gentle with yourself, regard it as an empowering exercise in self awareness.
With self awareness comes the ability to choose freely…to make conscious, self empowering choices.
As always if you’d like a one - one to thrash out some of these ideas and need a guide to facilitate, don’t hesitate to make an appointment.
Mel - 0432 659 044
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